Are You Tired Of Saying “I Have To”?

On a typical day in your life, how often do you use the phrase “I have to”?

“I have to do the groceries.”

“I have to go to this work meeting.”

“I have to work out.”

I’ve been talking to my clients a lot lately about the concept of free will in our lives and how often we use the phrase “I have to”, instead of “I want to”.

This simple change in language will leave you feeling empowered and give you the power back in your day to day life.

I Have to Work Overtime

One of my clients has been spending a lot of time working on the weekend and she told me that she “has to” work on the weekend or she’ll be completely behind before Monday even begins.

In my discussion with her we discovered that rather than “having to” work on the weekend, she in fact “wanted to” work on the weekend.

She wanted to feel a sense of control and certainty when Monday came around and wanted to know what was on her priority list for the week.

Keeping this in mind as she sat down to work on the weekend changed her attitude as she realised it was in fact, what she wanted.

If you’re making tough choices to do with your work or career, recognising that they’re in your control will give you some freedom. Zoom out and decide if it’s the path you want to continue on.

I Have to Play with My Kids

Another client said to me, “I feel like I have to play with my daughter all day”.

When we delved into this further she realised she didn’t have to do this at all. She realised there were probably lots of parents who don’t play with their kids regularly, or have minimal play time with their children.

It was in fact true that she didn’t want to play with her daughter all day, but she definitely “wanted to” play with her for a period and then have her daughter play by herself, or watch a movie, while she did something else.

This has changed how she views that play time with her daughter. She knows she “wants to” play with her, and she knows she wants other things too, and that is totally ok.

You do have autonomy over what you “have to” do with your children, versus what you’re choosing to do. This realisation can bring great relief and help you make choices that ultimately feel good for you (which in turn will help you be a happier parent).

It’s Your Turn

It’s time to listen to how many times a day you say “I have to”, whether that is internally or externally to someone else. And also note how often you say it like it is the absolute truth.

“I have to do the dishes.”

“I have get this done for my boss.”

We truly don’t have to do anything. We have free will and agency over our lives.

Observe how many times you say “I have to” this week. Let it surface, observe it and then decide: Do you have to do this or do you want to do this? Or, can you change something about it?

Noticing our own language and behaviours, and making subtle shifts, can make a huge impact on our motivation and happiness.