3 Reasons To Let Go Of Control

Now if I know you reader, you are leading a busy life balancing a mix of career aspirations, family commitments, your health and fitness, hobbies and a fun social life.

You likely want to find satisfaction in all of these areas and, with that hope, comes a certain desire to control your life - through a to do list, an organised calendar or a running list in your head (or all of the above).

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live a well-rounded, fruitful life but with that desire to control every aspect of your life comes pretty big risks.

We can easily let ourselves down by missing an item on our list, others might not measure up to the image of our perfect life and it can just bring a whole heap of stress and anxiety with it.

Although I love to stay organised and work on creating a great life, I have also learnt to let go of some of the control I used to so tightly hold on to.

So why should you let go of control?

We are not living life on a points system

The brilliant coach Amy Young said this quote and I remember it daily.

Sure, ticking things off our to do list feels good, as does an organised schedule, but remember - there are no points for any of this.

 The experiences I’m more interested in prioritising involve fun and connection with other people, not scrubbing my bathroom floor or answering every email in my inbox.

At the end of January with an empty public holiday weekend ahead, I thought to myself ‘I could declutter the house this weekend and get everything super organised’.

My next thought was ‘Hey, I’ve got nothing on this weekend - I could go visit my family for a few days and go swimming, go on long walks, eat out and catch up with them’.

Guess which one I chose? I’m pretty sure I’m going to remember that weekend more than I’d remember a Marie Kondo-ed linen closet.

Control never lasts

How many times in the last year have you finished your to do list? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

We obviously don’t want to let our lives and households fall apart, but adjusting to the idea that I’ll never really be up-to-date with my to do list is something I’ve come to accept.

I remind myself that it would be worse to have nothing to do, no aspirations and be sitting around bored with an empty to do list.

I have things I want to do, blog posts I want to write, TV shows I want to watch, places I want to visit and I don’t need to come at them with a sense of control - just a sense of curiosity and appreciation.

Controlling others is fruitless

Trying to control others is one we’ve all indulged in, I’m sure.

Our partners, kids, coworkers - if everyone could just behave as we want them to, life would be so much easier right?

A big lesson I’ve learnt is - you cannot control anyone, only your own thoughts about that person.

An attempt to control someone may seem like you are helping them or making life easier for yourself, but accepting others as they are is much more likely to serve you.

Think of someone trying to control your actions, nagging on you to change, telling you to act in a different, unnatural way. Even if you agree to it, you will most likely go back to what you wanted to do in the first place.

Other people are exactly the same.

Letting go of the need to control others lets you off the hook stress-wise as much as it lets them be who they want to be.

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What are you trying to control in your life? How can you let go of that grip over the next week?

My Number One Tip To Solve Sleepless Nights

I’m pretty lucky readers - my mum is kind of a genius.

She likes to drop little pearls of wisdom in people’s lives and then shrug like it’s no big deal. Except it is a big deal.

Case in point. Maybe 15+ years ago my mum shared this tip with me, probably while I was bemoaning some insignificant boy in my life and tossing and turning each night worrying about what was going to happen next with us.

She told me I could use this technique to either help me get to sleep at night or to fall back asleep if I woke up in the middle of the night with my mind racing.

Over the years, I’ve often shared this tip with struggling coworkers and stressed friends, when they’ve confessed to me that they can’t sleep at night.

And still to this day a random person in my life will remind me over coffee that they’re still using this technique during hard times.

Pretty cool right?

So what’s the tip?

My mum explained to me that while our mind is racing with work worries, relationship woes, money troubles or whatever the issue du jour is, it’s almost like the people involved are IN YOUR BEDROOM WITH YOU.

I’ve had bosses, exes, clients, real estate agents, the whole lot over the years, standing at the end of my bed, while I stress about what has happened with them that day or mentally rehearsing what is going to happen next.

You simply say something along the lines of:

“Ok <insert name here>. I know that you think it’s really important that I think about you and our situation right now, but I really do need to get some sleep. I’m happy to think about you in the morning, but for now I’ve got to say goodbye.”

You then visualise walking that person out of your bedroom and closing the door behind them. They’re no longer in your metaphysical space and you have moved them along until morning.

And guys, it really does work!

That act of acknowledging how in your personal space they are (like, get out of my bedroom random coworker!!) and moving them out of a sacred time like sleep, not only helps you get more sleep, but often makes you realise how insidious the situation has become.

One last tip - in really tough times, sometimes the bedroom door doesn’t work and you’ve got to walk them all the way out of your entire house (slamming the front door in your mind can be therapeutic here too depending how much they’re frustrating you!).

If you’re having trouble sleeping, let me know if you try this tip. I hope it helps you as much as it’s helped me and the people in my life.

 

My March Intentions

So I dropped off the radar for a couple of months on the intentions front but you readers know me - I haven’t been lying stagnant since December. I’ve been working on plenty of things, self development wise, work wise, fitness wise and business wise.

Sounds exhausting right? Bizarrely, it hasn’t been.

I think this is due to a few people and theories popping up for me - meeting Jess Lively was amazing, plus I’ve been working on segment intending, doing thought downloads and I started Brooke Castillo’s Self Coaching Scholars in February. I am seriously obsessed with Brooke right now.

This combination has had me feeling much more relaxed about life, working full steam ahead on things yes, but just focusing on what needs going, when it needs doing.

So what’s on for March?

March Intentions

Obsess a bit more over Brooke Castillo

Self Coaching Scholars includes monthly work, based on Brooke’s Self Coaching Model. March is dedicated to new beliefs and I’m going to keep up with the homework and podcasts as best I can.

Working on emotions and thought downloads in February was so beneficial to me so I’m sure whatever’s in store for me in March will have similar positive benefits.

Prep to launch my updated website

Just a small one here! Eeeek.

So after putting it off for a while (due to an unhealthy combination of doubting my design and tech skills, and fear of launching a crappy website), I’ve been working pretty hard on getting my content ready for a new version of my website.

As you guys know, I’m offering life coaching packages now and am almost fully booked up already, bar 1 spot (Would you like it? Go here and message me to set up a complimentary consult!)

So stay tuned for a refreshed website, hopefully followed by a new design later in 2017.

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What’s on for your March? Hopefully the last month of Q1 will bring you plenty of momentum towards your goals.